I was lucky enough to have Seth Ellis on my panel, who was very insightful about narratives. He was able to offer a lot of suggestions regarding the particular moment of seeing the bones through the glasses for the first time. We need to experience Kay's confusion, excitement and wonder. Currently I am treating her as a supplementary device, I need to make her a character. We need to feel empathy for her instead of just experiencing her story as a third party. Her looking through the glasses needs to be a longer moment.
It was also suggested I make her explorations longer moments. Currently, when Kay looks at a bug or a cat, it is a passing moment. But because she is exploring, the visual should be an exploration as well. We don't just see the whole cat skeleton, but we also see close ups and we also see Kay's wonder.
Also, there was a lot of set-up for such little anatomy. This can easily be fixed with longer moments of exploration.
Another common theme is the need to feel emotion with Kay, whether it be boredom, fun, danger or pain. I haven't convincingly created emotion for Kay. Holly Hughes also noted that all the scenes before the glasses are very static. There are no emotions and the compositions are very middle ground. She was also confused how the glasses added value to her life/healing. Perhaps I need to be more clear that they are a device to fill the hole in her life that used to filled with physical activities that cannot be preformed with a cast. (This is the main conflict, not the fracturing of her arm)
I will definitly be rethinking my scenes over break. (not only in composition, but also set up). When I take my reference photos, I will also be "playing cinematographer". I have some friends who are SAC majors. Perhaps they have some suggestions.
There were mixed reviews about the use of words: SE-no HH-yes MS-ehhh.
Me: I will be working without words for the time being.
One word that keeps coming up is Magic. Stephanie and Hannah keep saying it too. I keep thinking it will just come with the right "aha" moment, but today got me thinking that it could take something more... or different. SE says "take me there". MS says it is like Narnia or WIzard of oz. The visual changes completely (both in color and style). Perhaps her x-ray view could be potato prints or a blue/misty x-ray looking world.
On that note, they also liked some of my half-penned illustrations. The way the pen (aka: important parts) came forward from the background could be my solution to color.
Speaking of illustrations, mine are very flat. This could be from the static views or the actual illustration. I personally feel that once I get my reference images, that should help a ton. However, I could always try and make flat work (eric carle').
Other random bits:
HH suggested we look through Kay's eyes early to set us up for the x-ray views.
Healing needs to be longer. Feel the time pass. Maybe have an entire scene of her checking her arm every so often...
- Also: cast off = anticlimactic. arm atrophy?
Matt Schlian reccomended: the visitor by sean tan.
Is it necessary to include the arm break? (if I did, it should be super climactic)
- is kay a daredevil? is that why she falls? what makes her fall? does she know there is danger?
no real consensus on color...
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